Welcome, once again, to the Sticky Maple: A RIVERDALE Podcast! This week we’re covering the third episode of the season “The Watcher in the Woods”. As you can tell by the title, this episode is very Kevin Keller-centric. We talk about his struggles with living in the town of Riverdale, his relationship with Betty, and whether or not the show handled his character well this episode.

But even if Kevin Keller isn’t your favorite character, which we can’t understand, there is still plenty of other stuff to sink your RIVERDALE-loving jaws into. We discuss RIVERDALE’s royal family, the Lodges, and Jughead’s problems with life on the south side. So check out this episode of The Sticky Maple: Run, Kevin Keller, Run!

Check out episode two “Archie, Lies and Video Tape”!

Episode Three “Run, Kevin Keller, Run” Transcript:

Andrew Rivera: Hello, and welcome back to the Sticky Maple Comics versus Riverdale podcast. My name is Andrew Rivera, I’m a writer for ComicsVerse, as well as the host of Intellectual Property with Andrew Rivera, your favorite comedy show about comics, movies and television. I am here with the one, the only, the caped crusader, probably-

Mara Danoff: Yeah, what up? I’m Mara Danoff. I’m also a writer for ComicsVerse and a film student at Barnard College.

Andrew Rivera: We nail it every week, I think we nail it every week. Okay, last week B&V teamed up to save Pop’s, Cheryl submitted to being blackmailed by Betty, Jughead got his father’s sentence reduced, the Lodges proved to be sneaky and industrious people by silently buying Pop’s and making moves and lying for each other. Archie bought a gun! Reggie introduced us to Riverdale’s street drug Jingle Jangle, and Moose and Midge got shot. Mara, why don’t you tell the people what happened this week on Riverdale?

Mara Danoff: This week Jughead started his first day of school with some mixed reception from the students of Southside. Kevin Keller’s been cruising the wood to much disagreeing of Betty, who I personally think needs to mind her own damned business, but whatever, okay, whatever. Archie starts a totally not vigilante squad known as The Red Circle to patrol around and keep the kids of Riverdale High safe, and finally Archie comes over to Veronica’s for a dinner and the classic Hiram/Archie feud seems to have really taken into full gear.

Andrew Rivera: That was amazing. We read this off a laptop if you can’t tell, and we love it. Now let’s jump in to this week’s episode. We’re gonna be primarily focusing on Jughead, the Lodges, and Kevin Keller, who’s finally getting some shine, and we’ll decide how much we like that. Jughead Jones is on the Southside right now, what do you think about that? We’ve met Toni Topaz, he’s working at the school paper. He just got jumped by what they’re saying is a goolie, but probably a serpent. Go ahead, Mara, take it away.

Mara Danoff: I love Toni. This is just gonna be like a weekly thing where I’m like, “oh, this person is like super cool, and I wanna see more of them.” That’s one of the characters who I was like, “wow, she seems so cool.” She’s like the Southside version of Betty almost, with the whole tea kettle thing.

Andrew Rivera: She’s like if Betty didn’t need to go-

Mara Danoff: If Betty were cool.

Andrew Rivera: Yes, Betty were cool. And I’m sure that’s how Betty sees her a little bit. You can tell she’s a little thrown off by the situation.

Mara Danoff: She’s into photography-

Andrew Rivera: Yes, and she’s artistic, and Toni makes that line to Betty, “you are not what I expected at all,” and she’s like, “what does that mean?” And she’s like Emily the Strange. Who else did she say?

Mara Danoff: Winona Ryder from Beetlejuice.

Andrew Rivera: Yes.

Mara Danoff: It’s just really cool, I’m like, “can we be best friends?”

Andrew Rivera: She’s incredibly cool, she’s down with the gang, she’s looking out.

Mara Danoff: She doesn’t seem to be down with whoever was beating on Jughead.

Andrew Rivera: Yes, she was warning Jughead about the Goolies. I don’t think a goolie bet him up, I think it was Sweet Pea telling him to get in line.

Mara Danoff: For sure.

Andrew Rivera: There was that moment where Jughead, they’re talking about it in his father’s trailer and he’s like, “don’t tell Betty that I got jumped,” but he did also look like he was keeping something to himself. If that’s the case, I’d like to see Jughead get some revenge later on.

Mara Danoff: Hopefully when he ascends to his rightful position as heir to the Serpent’s throne he’ll-

Andrew Rivera: Yes, I think what the serpents are missing is a set of brains, and I think Jughead has that. It’s very Sons of Anarchy, I’d really like to see Jughead get his revenge, but very smart and not play this … The preview for next week it looks like we’re gonna see a lot more of the Serpents, because they’re gonna be facing off against the Bulldog’s in the rain somehow.

Mara Danoff: As one does.

Andrew Rivera: As one does, you get your gang, you meet another gang, you dance it out West Side Story style.

Mara Danoff: Oh, yes! That’s what all the gangs are doing these days.

Andrew Rivera: “That’s what all the gangs,” thank you, Mara, for letting me know what all the gangs are doing these days. All the gangs in Delaware, Baltimore-

Mara Danoff: In Delanowhere, yes.

Andrew Rivera: So yes, guy’s named Sweat Pea supposed to be tough guys like I said, dudes from the hood named very nice things, probably actually tough, but it’s very hard to take Sweat Pea and Penny Peabody, these names-

Mara Danoff: Can’t take any of them seriously because they’re trying too hard, and I’m like, “guys.”

Andrew Rivera: What I do love about Toni Topaz is she addresses Jughead by his name.

Mara Danoff: Yes, she knows his full name, the weird “Pemberton the third” crap. Oh, my God!

Andrew Rivera: Forsythe Pendleton III.

Mara Danoff: The whole shebang.

Andrew Rivera: It was amazing.

Mara Danoff: Yes, Toni calling him out.

Andrew Rivera: Not only exposing him that, but that is like recognizing a side of his history. This is really great. And Betty, I don’t even know if Betty knows that at this point.

Mara Danoff: No way.

Andrew Rivera: It’ll be interesting to see that little love triangle that forms. You can see there’s kind of a look in Jughead’s eye like he doesn’t know what’s really going on, and I don’t think Toni Topaz is the type of character that’s gonna back down from getting what she wants.

Mara Danoff: No, she won’t.

Andrew Rivera: But Betty should probably watch her ass a little bit.

Mara Danoff: Yes, sorry “Bughead” fans, I don’t know if it’s gonna last much longer.

Andrew Rivera: I’m a big “Bughead” person, but even me, I don’t know, I might like me some Toni.

Mara Danoff: I’m really digging Toni personally. I’m totally okay with her.

Andrew Rivera: Movie references were all over, not just from Jughead, but all over the place. When she said, “they’ll kick your ass faster than you can say American History X,” amazing!

Mara Danoff: I was like, “yes, you two are made for each other, this is so good.”

Andrew Rivera: That’s fantastic. All right. That pretty much covers Jughead this week. I don’t think there’s really too much else to go on. I mean, he gets beat up, and it’s all like, “oh, baby no,” but what are you gonna do? We can’t really spend too much time worrying about old Jughead, I think he’s gonna have it, that Fahrenheit 451-

Mara Danoff: It’s his own fault, he should have known.

Andrew Rivera: You can’t tell people about Fahrenheit 451 at school, it’ll get your ass kicked. Okay, let’s move on to the Lodges. The Lodges are … They’re getting a little telenovela-ish, if I may. Hermione is getting drunk at the dinner table and blowing kisses to Veronica like, “you can’t get to close to the King girl, I’m trying to tell you,” but she’s also trying to warn him about her father, and when Hiram comes up behind her and zips her dress up and tells her, “if you want to burn your relationship with our daughter to the ground, go ahead, that’s on you, but do not poison her against me.” This family is very wicked in a sense.

Mara Danoff: Were they never not wicked?

Andrew Rivera: I don’t know.

Mara Danoff: It was hinted at throughout the entire first season.

Andrew Rivera: Yes, but if you see that in Gossip Girl, or in the city, that really makes sense, but it’s like, “you’re in Riverdale, chill the hell out.”

Mara Danoff: They’re coming from the city, we’ve figured it out. We’ve deduced the plot.

Andrew Rivera: I know, and I totally get that, but there’s a part of me that’s like “all right, everybody take it easy. We’re not really fighting over much here.”

Mara Danoff: Honestly you could say that about the fact that this is an adaption from the Archie comics, it’s like “take it easy! You’re the ones that your grandparents buy you from the supermarket.”

Andrew Rivera: That’s true. What do you think about Hiram playing the puppet master to Archie? What do you think about … Because we talked about it last week. What do you think about that interaction in general? And what do you think about him playing the puppet master?

Mara Danoff: I think that Archie was so stupid to take the suggestion, the whole time I was, “boy, what are you doing? This is, he’s clearly manipulating you.” Maybe I’m just not a particularly trustful person that I would be super skeptical if the person I’m dating, their dad is just like, “yes, you should totally start,” essentially when the man is too like a terrorist organization-

Andrew Rivera: The Red Circle.

Mara Danoff: To combat, like some rando killer on the loose. What are you doing, Archie?

Andrew Rivera: Heres one thing I was thinking too. In the trailer for next week Archie is like, “I want this guy dead, I want to be the last thing he sees.” It’s too relaxed. I think that’s one of those things that he’s a teenager, everything’s amplified, but I need to know what the population of Riverdale is, because if it’s 500000 people and there’s one killer, that’s not a problem; but if it’s 4000-

Mara Danoff: It’s like 20 people and a gopher, let’s be real, [crosstalk 00:08:51].

Andrew Rivera: The killer is a big deal, that’s what I’m saying. How big is this town? Because right now you get a sense that is very small, but if it’s like a 1000000+ people in population, then one killer is not that big of a deal. It should be like a thing, but everybody’s acting like, “there’s 50 of us.” There’s two high school-

Mara Danoff: It’s us versus them.

Andrew Rivera: Yes, and it’s like, “it’s me versus this killer,” Archie is losing his damn mind. Archie is a right radicalist, I’m just gonna say it. He’s starting this group, his father called him like his asking him about his war on terror. Archie is kind of losing his shit a little bit.

Mara Danoff: He’s totally losing his shit, and Hiram is not helping. I feel like you voiced best, Hermione seems to be playing both sides in a very interesting way. I honestly don’t know what she’s up to, and I don’t think we’re supposed to know yet.

Andrew Rivera: I think what’s excellent is that instead of Hiram doing the intimidation factor, which he is, he’s keeping his enemy close. He doesn’t want Archie around his daughter, but he’s like “I’m just gonna screw with this kid and have so much fun.” By the end of it, Archie releases this video and Hiram just is sitting at his table, twiddling his fingers very happily.

Mara Danoff: With the portrait of his daughter over his desk, which by the way … I was weirdly creeped out by that.

Andrew Rivera: You were weirdly creeped at that? I think you were [inaudible 00:10:10], because I think that’s fun. There’s a thing … I think that him going to prison puts things on perspective of “I’m not gonna lose my family again, I’m moving very carefully.” That might be one thing. I don’t think he trusts anybody so he really trusts his daughter.

Mara Danoff: So he commissions a huge ass portrait of her to hang over his desk.

Andrew Rivera: You’ve seen Gilmore Girls, that’s how those family ruled.

Mara Danoff: You got me there.

Andrew Rivera: You’ve seen Gilmore Girls, that painting is gonna go for generations. They’re gonna pass that shit down. One of the other things I loved about the Lodges was their constant use of Spanish. If you’re not a minority, you might not get it, but just them constantly using Spanish really touches me in my heart, her saying to Archie, “I don’t have time to teach you Spanish, but there’re a few phrases you have to go over,” and she didn’t take any shit from Archie, she was like, “we’re doing this.”

Mara Danoff: Oh, my God, that was so good. Talking of strong Veronica moments this episode, that was definitely one of them.

Andrew Rivera: And comic Veronica, not giving a shit that Moose and Midge were shot, just like, “guys, we have to watch The Matchelorette,” it’s very great, I loved that. I also loved the moment between Jughead and Hiram, it’s very small, but Jughead shakes his hand, he’s like, “you know my father,” … Again, I’ve got to go back to this idea of Jughead being royalty, him being part of the Southside Serpents. That moment was like a meeting of two mobs, two mobs bosses.

Mara Danoff: I’m glad that they were having a pretty good time watching The Bachelor and whatever, like nothing was gonna go down, but like Jesus! If something were, that would be the moment.

Andrew Rivera: It was just so great. He mentions … It’s such a respect moment, it’s such a mob moment, because he’s like, and you’ve seen The Godfather, it’s such a mob moment when he shakes his hand, it’s like, “he’s into family, I appreciate,” you know what I mean? He values his family, and he’s like, “we hope he comes back,” and Jughead’s like, “yes, that’s what we’re all hoping for.”

Mara Danoff: It’s fanning myself with the flames of the sass.

Andrew Rivera: What else did you love about the Lodges?

Mara Danoff: Again, as I mentioned previously, I think the shout-out does have to go to Hermione just because she seems to really be getting this interesting mother mentality. I thought Veronica was a bit odd this episode, because it seems like she really did take a hard turn towards believing in her dad again, which I was a bit surprised that it happened so quickly, but I do think it really helps the dynamic between her, her mom and her dad, really be that as you said fairly aptly that telenovela-like drama.

Andrew Rivera: Yes, it’s fantastic, I get what you’re saying. The only thing that I would … I can’t completely disagree, but if I’m playing devil’s advocate, if I’m doing … There is that line that Jughead tells her, he wanted to change, they want to change. Even if Veronica doesn’t know, even if there’s that dramatic irony, or whatever, where she’s going around thinking, “my dad is good, he’s buying Pop’s and doing all that stuff,” she still thinks, “oh, he’s a good guy, he’s trying.” That’s the role he’s gonna play and she’s gonna try and be, “if he’s trying, I have to try.”

Mara Danoff: You are right. I agree. But no, in the end that’s really what counts.

Andrew Rivera: Absolutely. It’s that thing of she misses, this is somebody she loves. Even when you’re so mad at somebody that you rip your pearl necklace off in the bathroom, that comes from a place. Okay, we’ve had our fill on them. Let’s talk about Kevin Keller. Kevin Keller is cruising in the woods for a lover, making out with whoever he can get his hand on.

Mara Danoff: Speaking of which, I just learned what that word meant.

Andrew Rivera: I had to urban-dictionary it myself.

Mara Danoff: No, I didn’t had urban-dictionary it, I actually watched a movie for class yesterday where that was the primary-

Andrew Rivera: What was the movie?

Mara Danoff: It’s this movie called Strangers by the Lake.

Andrew Rivera: I’ve heard of it.

Mara Danoff: That is basically what the movie is, is just these young men cruising by the lake, and that was a very, “aha, I can use this information.”

Andrew Rivera: You want a nice, little, cynic route when you’re cruising from somebody-

Mara Danoff: Of course, yes.

Andrew Rivera: There’s gotta be some romance.

Mara Danoff: Naturally. It can’t just be spur of the moment, it needs to be the right lighting, the whole nice direction, which fortunately this show does have.

Andrew Rivera: The mood has to be set.

Mara Danoff: Of course.

Andrew Rivera: Okay, so in the face of danger Kevin Keller is doing this midnight runs, he’s cruising for guys. I want to ask you, because I think we have not completely different views, I think we both get where we’re coming from. I was excited for this episode and I think you were as well, just that we saw more Kevin Keller in general-

Mara Danoff: Of course.

Andrew Rivera: You disagreed with how they did it exactly, but then let me just start off by saying, just giving a quick summary, Kevin Keller is cruising around, the tension between he and Betty built, he’s constantly been there for Betty, which we have seen on the show. He’s been the gay best friend that Cheryl makes fun of in the first season.

Mara Danoff: Self-proclaimed as well, it’s a little bizarre.

Andrew Rivera: It’s one those things where it’s like you’ve seen him struggle with the fact that he’s lonely. Not too much, but I think this was the strongest form of that. He talks to Moose, who he has hooked up with in the past, and I ask, “is this gonna have any effect on that relationship?” It’s nice to know there’s something there.

Mara Danoff: Yes, I think I definitely see Kevin Keller and Moose being maybe a thing later in the season.

Andrew Rivera: Could be. I’m just happy we got more lines from Kevin Keller, I thought Casey Cott did a wonderful job with his monologue where he talks to Betty about how she’s making what he’s doing and part of his sexuality just ugly for him. I don’t know if he completely resents her, but it’s very hard to hang out with somebody that’s looking down on the way you’re expressing who you are. What was your take on Kevin Keller, his character and this episode for him?

Mara Danoff: Listen, I totally get why Betty was conservative, there is a killer on the loose, and the whole idea of he’s targeting people who are morally degrading the society, but the whole idea that him being sexually liberated as morally degraded is a whole other conversation of itself, but the fact that she was so hard on him for cruising and being “you should find someone who actually means something to you,” and her more or less getting the end say when she goes to his dad, and he has to talk with him about it. I was just like, “really? That doesn’t seem cool,” I don’t know how to feel about this ending, because I was for Kevin Keller doing what he was doing, and he shouldn’t have to feel ashamed about him.

Andrew Rivera: I think you’re right on a few fronts, but I want to say this, Betty … She just doesn’t get it. She’s that friend that’s trying to protect you, she’s trying to do the most. There is a killer on the loose, that’s a thing. She doesn’t want it stopping everybody from going to Pop’s, but then Kevin Keller has to stop his whole for this. I don’t think she gets it, and it is wrong that she goes to his father.

That moment between Kevin Keller and his father at the end, Sheriff Keller, I thought it was well-written, I thought it was nice for those two actors to really get that moment going. It helped strengthen that relationship, but yeah, how they get there is a little tough. It’s a very difficult subject to deal with. There were so many layers, there is like: here’s Kevin Keller trying to live his life, Kevin Keller’s lonely, Kevin Keller used to be fat and ugly-

Mara Danoff: As Cheryl pointed out.

Andrew Rivera: He doesn’t feel good enough, he’s lonely, there’s a shortage of people like him in Riverdale, as Moose would say, and there’s nothing concrete in terms of love there for him, because now we understand that … We thought last season that his father and him were cool on this whole thing, but now it’s obviously strained, and it doesn’t appear that he has a mother.

Mara Danoff: No, he seems to just be a single dad.

Andrew Rivera: He doesn’t have any brothers or sisters it looks like.

Mara Danoff: It’s literally just him and his dad.

Andrew Rivera: That’s gotta be incredibly lonely and isolating.

Mara Danoff: Specially if they don’t seem to talk much, and yes, I get it, this isn’t exactly a conversation that you would want to open up with your parents. Dude, I understand Kevin Keller why you would maybe prefer to say you are going out for a midnight jog, as the teenagers do, instead of saying, “by the way, dad, I’m having sex in the woods.” I guess my other biggest problem is the fact that since we know that this killer is specifically targeting people who are quote on quote of degraded morals, that’s implying Kevin Keller is doing is somehow morally reprehensible. I can’t stand by that thought process. This isn’t bad, this is normal.

Andrew Rivera: I think that he makes that point to Betty, that what he’s doing isn’t bad. I think that Betty … Because I think they discovered that more towards the end, that this guy is hunting people and things like that. I don’t think Betty really gets the sense of that being the issue, because remember, she also is completely oblivious where Polly is about to leave, and she says, “you’re not a sinner,” and she goes, “I’m an unwed mother who’s carrying my cousin’s babies, I am the poster girl for a sinner.”

I don’t know if it’s that necessarily on the writing front, and the other reason I’m still skeptical on how committed I am to that idea, is I don’t know how religious this guy seems to be, I mean, he’s using words like “sinner,” so depending on how deeply, horrifyingly fanatical this guy is, he might consider Kevin Keller. You don’t think that’s-

Mara Danoff: No, I definitely see where you’re coming from, I just … For Betty to have that implication. I do think that killer would totally-

Andrew Rivera: Kill Kevin Keller for being gay?

Mara Danoff: Oh, yes, for sure. Which is terrible, but the killer clearly … He kills people for having sex and doing drugs, this is up his alley.

Andrew Rivera: And that’s another thing, if he is killing people for just having sex, like those teenagers … Moose and Midge they’re not gay, but they were having sex.

Mara Danoff: But the fact that Betty was the one to bring it up with him, that’s-

Andrew Rivera: And she’s doing it completely the wrong … She’s not being, “oh, it’s just that you are hooking,” she’s exclusive to what he’s doing, his activity, his behavior. Oh, I see it. Absolutely, I get that is a little bit weird.

Mara Danoff: Just a touch.

Andrew Rivera: Just a touch. The thing with me it was, the whole episode I was … I just thought Betty was fucking up in general.

Mara Danoff: Yes, Betty was not having a good episode.

Andrew Rivera: She was having those great moments with Jughead, but I think this episode we really get to see that side of Betty that’s very much Riverdale, that’s very much this white, suburban mom.

Mara Danoff: This to me was like the biggest comparison, she is a lot like her mom, whether or not she wishes to acknowledge, and how she chose to approach Kevin Keller’s cruising I felt it was very indicative of that.

Andrew Rivera: We could do a whole episode on this, this is a fantastic … I’m gonna say it for those of you listening, this is a fantastic conversation. But I do think that actions speak louder than words, specially in film and television, and getting those lines that Betty is threatening Cheryl and stuff like that, that’s great, but this was really like your everyday, kind of Alice Cooper, oblivious, white, american girl. I just don’t get it, why can’t you just be normal? That was weird.

Mara Danoff: Oh, God, that [inaudible 00:22:36].

Andrew Rivera: Let’s move on. We hope to see more of Kevin Keller.

Mara Danoff: For sure. Kevin Keller, you are the light of my life.

Andrew Rivera: And we’re glad this episode happened, maybe not the way we would have totally liked it to go down. It reminds me of Jean Gray outing Ice Man a little bit.

Mara Danoff: Just let him live.

Andrew Rivera: I wonder if that … I’m not a gay dude, but I wonder if there is that awkwardness in the relationship of the stereotypical, gay best friend and straight girl thing. There has to be some sort of tension, it’s like, “you have to see me as something beyond that.” I think, if nothing else, that is a great conversation to have, specially for this show. There’s a lot of teen gay girls, and a lot of teen gay kids, they’re just trying to figure out their own life as well. Through shows like this, through things like that we’ve also seen that relationship be glamorized, and this is kind of … This is part of the reality of that friendship, it’s that we’re still people.

Mara Danoff: Of course.

Andrew Rivera: We’re on to Mara’s movie moment. Would you take it over?

Mara Danoff: My moment is more or less … It’s kind of broad. What I found interesting, and again, just random facts of things that I know for various reasons, instead of talking about the more formal side of film-making, I want to discuss some interesting film history aspects of the episode, Archie’s new gang.

The whole Red Circle stick is not actually that new, back in the 1910’s there was this film serial called Daredevils of the Red Circle, and as they quick summary … Again, full of spoilers, it’s over a hundred years old, guys, I don’t think any of you really want to see it, it’s literally a silent era film, but spoiler alert, there was these three guys who were trying to catch a villain, they all had been working in the carnival, one of them, their little brother gets killed because of the shenanigans of the villain, so they all vow revenge on this person.

The villain has been ruining these various properties of a multimillionaire. We don’t know this, but we find out later that with the aid of the multimillionaire’s granddaughter the three would be able to escape danger, and certainly thwart the plans of this villain, pretty much every episode. One of the big plots that’s revealed, pretty early on, is that the bad guy was secretly the multimillionaire all along.

Andrew Rivera: Hiram Lodge.

Mara Danoff: Exactly. On the granted the bad guy was wearing a mask that was meant to look like the rich dude so no one could be able to figure out his identity. Yes, it’s just Hiram Lodge, it was this big deal when it came out, and I thought it was interesting to have that sort of callback. I don’t think it was intentional, but that’s immediately where my mind went.

Andrew Rivera: I actually looked it up, I don’t know if this dismisses that, because I actually believe that then it was the inspiration based of what you’re saying. The Red Circle, those comics that he held are from Archie comics. They’re like a super hero group from Archie comics. I thought it was a shout-out to that, but Archie is also like 75 years old.

Mara Danoff: That was definitely I think the intention of it, but I just thought the multimillionaire connection was too good.

Andrew Rivera: But on top of that, what you are saying connects with that completely, even down to the name, but there’s no way to prove that a property that’s 75 years old couldn’t have been inspired by something that’s just slightly altered than that-

Mara Danoff: Everything’s connected.

Andrew Rivera: The universe is connected, you are connected to the universe, we just got to pray to DJ Khaled’s kids and hold on tight. That’s incredibly interesting. I love that fact of you saying, “it’s super old, you don’t even want to see it,” because how many movies had somebody recommended to you and you are like, “this is terrible, why am I watching this old piece of junk?”

Mara Danoff: It’s interesting, but it is like Saturday morning fair to essentially boiled down, and without even the graciousness of it being with voice acting. It’s a silent era film.

Andrew Rivera: All right, that’s still pretty cool. The idea of Archie is like, just some quick thoughts I guess on that, is why do they all have their shirts off? Because we did not get a shirtless KJ Apa-

Mara Danoff: Exactly, you figured it out.

Andrew Rivera: We got the whole team, the whole bulldog team with their shirts off.

Mara Danoff: They were trying to make it up to us with that one shot.

Andrew Rivera: He looks like a white terrorist. This is insane.

Mara Danoff: They all. This is Riverdale, the whole time I reminded that this is Riverdale, what are you doing?

Andrew Rivera: This is amazing, I love this. I think that Archie looks incredibly stupid, and I think that when Hiram sees that, he’s thrilled. I think this whole thing was meant to make Archie look very young.

Mara Danoff: Of course, as we just discussed, he’s clearly the villain. Hiram Lodge [inaudible 00:27:43] player of the masked killer confirmed.

Andrew Rivera: All right. Let’s go on to the lines of the week. Do you have yours? Or should I go first?

Mara Danoff: I think you should go first, because I definitely-

Andrew Rivera: I you don’t know, “lines of the week” are basically where we take our favorite lines from the show and we will act them out briefly for your entertainment. One of my favorites is when Reggie is in the hospital with Moose, and he says to him, “are the nurses hot here? Because what if you pop a boner during the sponge bath?,” and I thought that was very greaser Reggie. He’s pretty much the most awesome new installment, I guess new old installment of the show. Shout-out, Charles Melton.

The Toni Topaz line, like I said before, where she’s like, “they’ll make you their bitch faster than you can say American History X.” That and Jughead Jones’ line. Archie going Travis Bickle is my favorite Archie yet, because Archie does kind of switch up his personality a little bit, but it’s also like such a Jughead thing, Taxi Driver.

Mara Danoff: Of course. My personal favorite was when, as we mentioned before, when Veronica acted more like comics Veronica and was like, “guys, can we focus on what matters here? Midge and Moose are alive, Archie’s dad survived, the new season of The Bachelorette starts tonight,” and I was just like, “yes, that makes sense.”

Andrew Rivera: “The Matchelorette,” by the way.

Mara Danoff: “The bachelorette,” she did not enunciated like that, I was taking a creative liberties-

Andrew Rivera: No, I’m saying that it’s called “The Matchelorette” in this universe. They can’t say “The Bachelorette,” I guess.

Mara Danoff: Oh, right, of course. The other one was Kevin Keller being like, you know, jogging at night, as one does, of course I too jog in the middle of the night, Kevin Keller. This is relatable to me, the average American teenager, not actually teenager.

Andrew Rivera: That line was fantastic. I think there were a couple others. When Hermione says, “no need to be so thirsty, Veronica,” just slaying her throughout the whole episode. The line that Polly says, “I’m an unwed mother who’s carrying my cousin’s babies, I am the poster child of a sinner.”

Mara Danoff: To bring a little bit more serious light, this is at the end of the letter that the killer wrote. I’m gonna try and do the killer’s voice, we don’t know what it sounds like, so if it’s not this-

Andrew Rivera: I’m so excited for this.

Mara Danoff: Here we go. “I am the [inaudible 00:30:07], you are the flock. This is the blood wedding.”

Andrew Rivera: You are Batman.

Mara Danoff: I’m clearly just Batman.

Andrew Rivera: I loved Cheryl saying, “except when she’s dark Betty.”

Mara Danoff: Just Cheryl. Everything that comes out of her mouth is gold.

Andrew Rivera: This one’s a Kevin Keller-centric episode, I think I’m gonna end my quotes with, “hey, it’s Kevin Keller. Leave a message, if people still do things like that.”

Mara Danoff: I actually think that’s what my [inaudible 00:30:39] says.

Andrew Rivera: That’s amazing. I guess that’s it for this week. We’re really excited for next week when the whole two gangs start fighting, and to see how far Archie’s gonna take this whole thing before somebody tells him to chill the hell out. I’ve been Andrew Rivera, you can find me on Twitter @roorivera, R-O-O Rivera, and I’m with Mara Danoff who still has no social media, I believe.

Mara Danoff: Well, you see, the thing is I’m actually a robot. Social media for robots never works out well.

Andrew Rivera: I hope you come up with a new excuse every single week. Thank you for listening. And remember, for more podcasts, videos, reviews, previews, anything under the sun regarding comics, comics culture, comics, TV, film, and all that good stuff, please go to, and only go to comicsverse.com.

Thanks for listening to the Kevin Keller heavy third episode of The Sticky Maple our RIVERDALE  podcast!

You can check out RIVERDALE and more Kevin Keller here.

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