Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Share on Reddit Share on Pinterest Share on Linkedin Share on Tumblr Disney revealed the full contents of their initial Disney+ offerings. Amongst them are some old favorites and some new classics. And there are also some you’d swear Disney just made up for funsies. We call them the Disney Plus Strange. Here’s the thing though: Disney would never do that. Disney takes your entertainment very G-damn serious. This isn’t a game. That’s what Disney says. Anyway, we randomly pulled 15 of those seemingly fictional films. Don’t worry, we’ll reveal what it really is about. Before that though, we’ll tell you what we thought it was about to entertain you. But not for fun. Much like Disney, we take this all very seriously. (Please note, those that follow me on Twitter were treated to the beginnings of a couple of these jokes. To be similarly in the know, follow me @UnGajje) Disney Plus Strange: THE BISCUIT EATER (1972) All images courtesy of Disney+ What We Expect It Is About I mean, obviously, one who eats biscuits. Which honestly does not sound all that interesting. Then I saw the image though and then thinks got intriguing. Obviously, biscuit eating is still part of the deal. However, it appears to be biscuit eating by a giant spectral child and her equally biscuit loving massive ghost canine menacing a couple of fellas on a hunting trip. What The Real Deal Is Actually not the first BISCUIT EATER but rather a remake of 1940 film of the same name and based on a James H. Street short story. In brief it tells the story of two boys training a pointer dog for competition. They prove so good at it they very well may end up costing one of the boys’ father’s job as a dog trainer. It received mixed notices at the time. Disney Plus Strange: BRINK! (1998) What We Expect It Is About The title does not give us much. Maybe a high-tension thriller about an average accountant pushed to the, you guessed it, brink! The image though…it is a gift. That image makes it clear that it is a high-tension thriller about a radical extreme sports fella. What The Real Deal Is A kind of snobs v. slobs narrative around the cutthroat world of in-line competitive skating. Additionally, there is a “do it for love, not for money” morale that the lead, and thus the viewers, learn. BRINK! Is consistently ranked amongst the best Disney Channel movies, for whatever that’s worth. Disney Plus Strange: CASEBUSTERS (1986) What We Expect It Is About The first thing that comes to mind is a film about early pioneers in the unboxing game. The picture more or less confirms it. This kid, her older brother — who I assume doubles as her producer — and a dog — the real star, let’s be honest here – broadcast their opening of mail to the world via HAM radio. It all falls apart when the dog’s suggestions that they stop calling it “casebusting” and use unboxing instead go ignored one too many times and the pupper strikes out on his own. What The Real Deal Is Actually a Wes Craven (!) directed 45-minute episode of the Disney showcase series MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY. It’s about kid amateur detectives who help their grandfather played by Pat Hingle who you might know as BATMAN (1989)’s Commissioner Gordon. The soundtrack was pretty great for the time with “Private Eyes” by Hall & Oates anchoring it and other tracks from the likes of Madonna and the Pointer Sisters accompanying the action. Disney Plus Strange: EDDIE’S MILLION DOLLAR COOK-OFF (2003) What We Expect It Is About Chefs compete for big prize money. TOP CHEF stole the idea. I mean, obviously, right? But then the image. Oh dear God the image. So now I’m guessing Bobby made a bet he can hit a homerun with a comically oversized spatula. If he fails, the land developers seize the Rec Center. If succeeds, they have to pay him a million dollars. What The Real Deal Is A high school student who loves both baseball and cooking finds his loyalty divided when a cooking competition begins to distract him from the ongoing baseball season. To make matters worse, his father wants his son to focus on sports and stop wasting time pursuing his love of cooking. In true this kind of movie fashion, the situation is only resolved when the protagonist proves to his dad to be great at cooking. Thousands of viewers would be left with the impression that it is only ok to enjoy things and defy your controlling parents if you are good at those things. No doing stuff just for fun! Disney Plus Strange: GREYFRIARS BOBBY (1961) What We Expect It Is About In the United Kingdom, an elderly religious leader recruits a cop — a bobby in the local slang — to enact horrible vengeance upon sinners near and far. Taking the picture into consideration, I now think all of what I wrote above is true AND the Friar had gotten himself involved in some dark magicks. He turned the bobby into a dog. Now the police officer must do the Friar’s terrible wants, hoping desperately that it will someday lead to returning to the shape of a man. What The Real Deal Is Evidently based on a true story, it does indeed revolve around a dog. The dog, however, is not a bobby, but rather Bobby. As in that’s his name. In any case, Bobby’s owner dies and the dog decides to live in the same cemetery as the man was buried. Without a dog license and with the owner of the cemetery refusing to pay for one, Bobby faces euthanasia. Can the dog be saved?! Apparently, the whole thing was cute and well-received. It was also adapted into a comic and the source of a remake in 2005. Disney Plus Strange: HORSE SENSE (1999) What We Expect It Is About Two brothers work to together to solve crimes. The older one is a hard nosed by the book cop. The younger one can hear the thoughts of horses. Together they combine their efforts to curtail violence in their small but unusually murderous town. Nothing about the image makes me think I am wrong. What The Real Deal Is Joey and Andrew Lawrence are brother, but here they play cousins. Joey plays the older (obvi) cousin Michael who is too stuck on his girlfriend and social climbing to show his younger family member Tommy a good time in Los Angeles. When the families learn of Michael’s general lousiness, they force him to go to a Montana ranch where Tommy lives. There Tommy tortures him via farm labor until Michael learns to love it and manages to save the farm via some esoteric bit of real estate law he once overheard someone else talking about. It seems to be considered a mediocre DCOM. Disney Plus Strange: JUSTIN MORGAN HAD A HORSE (1972) What We Expect It Is About A heartbreaking eulogy in film form about Mr. Morgan’s horse and the hole it left in poor Justin’s life when said horse ran away to because a blackjack hustler. What The Real Deal Is Adapted from the 1946 Newbery Honor Book of the same name, it is all about Justin Morgan creating the so-called Morgan brand. That’s right, it is historical fiction about 18th Century horse breeding. People do love Disney horse movies though. Disney Plus Strange: MR. BOOGEDY (1986) What We Expect It Is About Before image: Mr. Boogedy has long been the king of dancing. Hence the name. When his reign of dance rule is threatened though, how far will he go to keep it? After image: Mr. Boogedy has long been the king of dancing. Hence the name. When a rival bumps Mr. Boogedy off and he comes back to Earth as a pitiless ghoul, how far will he go to keep his crown? What The Real Deal Is A failed plot that Disney decided not to let go to waste and make it an original movie instead. MR. BOOGEDY concerns a gag salesman and his family moving New England — no state specified, just the entire nearly 72,000 square foot region — and discovering their property is haunted. Evidently there was zero dancing. But there was a sequel a year later. Disney Plus Strange: NOW YOU SEE IT… (2005) What We Expect It Is About A NOW YOU SEE ME prequel. What The Real Deal Is A teen producer (just go with it) attempts to mount a reality show about magicians. Instead, she discovers that some magicians are actually sorcerers! She must bear witness to a battle between a burgeoning teen sorcerer and the aging master of magic that is jealous of this up and comer. Disney Plus Strange: PERRI (1957) What We Expect It Is About A curse traps a princess in the form of a squirrel. We follow her existential troubling existence. What The Real Deal Is An adaptation of Felix Salten’s 1938 novel PERRI: THE YOUTH OF A SQUIRREL, it mixed documentary style footage of squirrel’s with a narrative guided, in part, by the movie’s narrator, screenwriter, songwriter and producer Winston Hibler. Disney Plus Strange: SAMMY, THE WAY-OUT SEAL (1962) What We Expect It Is About This seal likes to party. Hard. Too hard? Nah, man, it’s the early 60’s. There is no such thing. What The Real Deal Is Another MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY short film, SAMMY tells the tale of two brothers who sneak said way-out seal back to their small town. Sammy shakes up everyone’s complacent existence. I’m not kidding, that’s actually what happens. In some ways, SAMMY actually proved predictive of the coming social revolution. Disney Plus Strange: SULTAN AND THE ROCK STAR (1980) What We Expect It Is About From just the title, I confess I was imagining a sort of HULK kind of thing where a Sultan and a rock star wander America’s highways and byways setting things right. With the picture though, I obviously had to temper my thoughts. The tiger is The Rock Star. The man is named Sultan. Today, it feels appropriative and borderline offensive. Back then? The most progressive damn thing around. They still right wrongs while wandering coast to coast though. Also I think the tiger is a pilot? Maybe a seamen. Certainly one of the two. What The Real Deal Is A young burned out rock star bonds with a full-grown trained tiger. Then he learns the tiger will soon be killed. Can the teen heartthrob save his new feline friend? Disney Plus Strange: TIGER CRUISE (2004) What We Expect It Is About Speaking of striped seamen… Bill Pullman and Hayden Panettiere must survive a cruise ship suddenly and inexplicitly overrun by tigers. It’s kill or be killed on the Seven Seas as Panettiere loses her innocence — on account of all the killing — and Pullman must struggle to find the courage that made him a highly decorated Navy man. What The Real Deal Is It turns this movie is about September 11th. Bear in mind this was released only three years later. It came out two years earlier than WORLD TRADE CENTER and people were wondering aloud if it was too soon for audiences then. At first it feels like a typical DCOM about kids goofing off on their dad’s Navy vessel and about to learn a lesson about responsibility and higher purpose. It just happens that lesson is provided by the events of September 11th. It seems impossibly dark given the artwork and that it is a DCOM, but there it is. Disney Plus Strange: THE UGLY DACHSHUND (1966) What We Expect It Is About No one’s trying to be rude here, but this dog is just hideous. Like traffic stopping feeling queasy awful to look at. Is it all just the machinations of a romantic rival trying to force a wedge between the happy married couple that feels they have to take the dog in though? Yes. Yes it is. Will it in fact end up strengthening their love and teaching everyone a valuable lesson? You bet! Even the romantic rival? No. Sadly he was torn apart by cats. Irony! What The Real Deal Is A family who just welcomed a litter of dachshunds into their life and was convinced to also take home a Great Dane runt with them as the Dane pup has been rejected be his mom. The Dane tries to be a dachshund and creates chaos as a result. Only be saving the wife’s favorite dachshund does he secure a place in the family. That’s right, they were going to give the dog away until he proved his worth. Welcome to late stage capitalism, amirite? Disney Plus Strange: UNIDENTIFIED FLYING ODDBALL (1979) What We Expect It Is About From the looks of things, it is about an astronaut with an unusual attitude. He seems more of a wacky guy than “doesn’t play by your rules” type but who knows. Maybe he’s like Patch Adams and both at the same time.Without the image, I would have assumed this was a story about an alien though. What The Real Deal Is Given a million years, I never would have guessed this is a CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT adaptation, but that is what it apparently is. Both this film’s other titles — THE SPACEMAN AND KING ARTHUR and A SPACEMAN IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT — are better, although they still evoke an alien, not an astronaut. Trading a Connecticut Yankee for anything, even an astronaut, is a mistake and the half-hearted reviews seem to bear that out. Your Selections? Did you take a look at the offerings? What do you think? Any of them jump out at you? Some you cannot believe are real? Ones you wish would stay forgotten? Let us know on Twitter or in the comments below!