It has finally happened. After multiple decades of trying, David S Goyer has finally found out how to ruin his career and take down DC comics along with him. The inconsistently brilliant screenwriter of The Dark Knight and Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys will develop a television show entitled Krypton that, according to Variety, will “revolve around Superman’s grandfather as he struggles to bring hope and equality to the planet Krypton at a time when the house of El is shamed and ostracized.” Somehow, all of the major networks have turned down this show, forcing Goyer to settle for SyFy, a network that this Thursday will air a double feature of Zombie Apocalypse and Super Cyclone.

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Let this sink in for a moment. Goyer pitched a television show that the higher ups at CBS, ABC, FOX, The CW, and NBC all took one look at and said “Hell No!” The people who this very year greenlit such wondrous programs as “Selfie” and “I Wanna Marry (Prince) Harry” said no to a screenwriter whose films have brought in over a billion dollars at the box office. They must have thought it was one terrible TV show idea.

And guess what? They’re one hundred percent right! This show fails right from the start because of the insurmountable problems with its premise, first and foremost being how irrelevent the events are to anything at all. The audience already knows that Krypton will be blown up real good less than one hundred years from the start of this show, so what reason is there to care about Superman’s father restoring the family name? Everyone is going to die. Once Krypton is destroyed, the family name of El will be on equal footing with every other Kryptonian family name so the entire conflict is rendered moot. Why should we care about any romance Superman’s father will have? In a few decades him and his squeeze will be smoldering stardust. Every single time the viewer turns on this show they will be hit with the unshakable knowledge that this entire planet has less than two generations of life left and absolutely none of what happens will have any relevancy on the DC film franchise (a clever motivation Agents of Shield uses to hook its viewers). Not to mention that in every Superman movie, the most boring characters have been the population of Krypton. Now, viewers can look forward to an entire television show of bland characters stoically arguing about how their planet is definitely not in danger of spontaneously blowing up anytime soon.

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The only rational explanation is ego. Goyer must be so proud of the Krypton he created in Man of Steel that he felt it warranted an entire television show. Imagine his shock when he was refused by The CW, the same network that endured the god-awful ratings of Smallville’s final seasons. Goyer may be determined, but this won’t be the last nasty surprise he gets. Unless some incredible writing is done on this show, Krypton may be heading towards oblivion much sooner than intended.

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