Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Share on Reddit Share on Pinterest Share on Linkedin Share on Tumblr If you have never heard of Travel Channel’s GHOST ADVENTURES, let me do you the honor of quoting their current opening segment: “Some people believe in ghosts / Some people don’t / We want answers.” The Ghost Adventures Crew (GAC), made up of Zak Bagans, Nick Groff (seasons 1-10), Aaron Goodwin, Billy Tolley, and Jay Wasley, are paranormal investigators who get locked inside a supposedly haunted building all night without a professional camera crew. The “lockdown” concept has ebbed and flowed in more recent seasons, but one thing remains the same: these guys are dramatic, sometimes hilariously so, about ghosts, and we as an audience get to experience it alongside them. 10. Operation Bloodthirsty Bat Removal Lava Hot Springs Inn (Season 11, Episode 11) In this episode, the crew is investigating a haunted Idaho hotel. After Zak and Aaron start to investigate what they think is an otherworldly anomaly, they come face-to-face with a very real creature instead: a giant bat. After the standard, “Holy F***” from Aaron, the two return to their nerve center. Why? Zak, narrating as he does every episode, then labels this mission: How are they going to catch this bat, you ask? With the help of the pool net and a bed sheet, they finally catch the bat and set the little guy free. The scene ends this piece of excellent screenwriting: 9. Zak and Jerusha Howe Valentine’s Day Special (Season 4, Episode 18) Because we as a nation deserved it, there was once a GHOST ADVENTURES Valentine’s Day Special. In it, the crew explores an inn in Sudbury, Massachusetts, home to Jerusha Howe. Howe is known as America’s most amorous spirit, having died, apparently, of a broken heart. Jerusha’s wandering spirit is said to engage in “phantom relationships” with male guests at the inn throughout the years. Knowing this information, the obvious next step is to get this ghost woman to fall in love with Zak. Their love story begins with this exchange between Zak and Lee Swanson, a former Curator and Night Watchman of the Inn: Zak: What should I do to charm Jerusha? Lee: Play the pianoforte. Zak: I don’t know how to play the pianoforte. Never to be deterred by a lack of skill, Zak is later caught singing loudly on the pianoforte by Aaron and Nick. Zak then attempts to read Jerusha some poetry after Lee’s suggestion. (Bonus moment: Zak briefly asks Lee, “does she like cologne?” before poetry is brought up). Let’s see what the ghost dimension’s poet laureate had to say: If you didn’t think this could get even better, what follows is the episode’s best moment. In between waxing poetic to a deceased woman, Zak just eats shit right there outside her ancestral home. Cold weather phenomena or Jerusha taking a definitive stance on Zak’s poetry? We’ll let the viewers decide. 8. One goal: Darkness Tooele Hospital (Season 4, Episode 26) If any GHOST ADVENTURES moment could be labeled transcendent, it would likely be this scene-turned-viral-meme from Season 4. Presented without comment: SOURCE: Zaks-Ghost-Adventures This scene requires very little explanation, and you can always count on Zak to remind us what sort of show we’re watching. BONUS: As a close second to this moment, let’s take a look at a more recent case, this (from Season 12’s stellar and mostly hilarious “Dorothea Puente Murder House” episode): SOURCE: zkbgns 7. Zak vs. Potstickers Chinese Town of Locke (Season 12, Episode 5) In a recent classic, the GAC is investigating a ghost town that used to be run by the Chinese mafia. Once known as “California’s Monte Carlo,” the town was home to brothels, bars, and opium dens before its residents moved out. They left, as we are to believe, their spirits and negative energy. While having a meal at a local restaurant, we have the following moment from Zak, complete with narration that has since become iconic: A brief moment, indeed, but one that will be remembered forever. 6. “Come play with my balls.” Stone Lion Inn (Season 14, Episode 10) Zak, brooding Lovecraftian narrator that he is, is both blessed and cursed with a crew who never take themselves as seriously as he does. The show is full of innuendo, but in more recent fame is this one, from when the crew explore a haunted inn and try to communicate with a child’s spirit. Here’s Zak on the stairs with some “trigger items” aka objects that they believe could attract certain types of spirits. The best part, as it always is, is that Zak never lightens up after this moment. He earnestly believes in himself and his ability to get a ghost child to play with his balls. 5. “You’re…okay.” The Birdcage Theater (Season 2, Episode 5) In this early episode, the boys investigate an activity-heavy location in the abandoned town of Tombstone, Arizona that they would later return to in Season 10. The showroom was once home to gamblers, sex workers, and cowboys alike. Towards the middle of their investigation, the crew hears a tapping sound on a single portrait of the theater’s “working girls,” or Soiled Doves. The crew believes it to be one of their spirits making contact. Zak then proceeds to have this conversation with the portraits on the wall: Goes to show that women, even if they’ve been dead for over a hundred years, still can’t seem to catch a break. 4. Bless Aaron Goodwin Ancient Ram Inn (Season 2, Episode 8) Out of everyone, Aaron usually draws the short end of the stick. Zak has mentioned, in fact, that he is a “magnet” for spiritual energy. He’s had some rest recently after the departure of Nick in season 10 and the entrance of two new guinea pigs in Billy and Jay. In a great example of this early torment, however, I present this scene from Season 2, when the crew explores an inn in Gloucestershire, England (worth watching, as a whole, for the bizarre inn caretakers and spirits – the crew tries to hunt for succubi in this one!). See that face? That is a face of a man resigned. What follows is one of the more underrated hilarious moments of the show: It’s a wonder Aaron is still alive, honestly. 3. Aaron’s Wig Stanley Hotel (Season 4, Episode 5) This episode sees the GAC investigate the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado, where Stephen King is said to have based The Shining. The night before their lockdown, Zak, Nick, and Aaron decide to sleep in three separate bedrooms that are said to be haunted. Because Aaron cannot catch a break, this happened: 2. ARE YOU EVIL? Lizzie Borden House (Season 5, Episode 5) Another legendary moment that has since gone viral is when the crew investigates the home of famous serial killer Lizzie Borden. Zak is extra aggressive in this episode, as he tends to be with the spirits of violent people. The crew decides to use a REM Pod (a device that detects changes in electromagnetic energy as it passes through the pod’s antenna) to communicate with any spirits in the home. When the pod starts to beep just a bit more than they expected, this exchange followed: SOURCE: erismourned Quality television is a grown-ass man yelling at a tiny screeching box that just won’t quit. 1. “Get in the bed and feel the vibrations with me” The Myrtles Plantation (Season 9, Episode 2) Here it is. GHOST ADVENTURES’ funniest moment thus far. In this episode, the crew investigates a plantation-turned-bed and breakfast in Louisiana, home to the spirits of the Woodruff family and a young slave girl, Chloe, who is said to have poisoned the family after years of abuse. The home contains a bed that reportedly shakes on its own, which Zak jumped to investigate. This scene is a perfect amalgamation of everything we’ve seen so far: Lying on a piece of furniture to get a ghost to make contact. Zak making comments oblivious to their context. Someone on the crew laughing Zak making comments oblivious to their context. Zak forcing Aaron to do something he would rather not do. Zak as the champion no homo, bro. Without further ado, I present, Zak, Aaron, and the Notorious Moving Bed: Happy Halloween! And remember folks, if you do anything, do it for the paranormal.